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Joke of the Day

"My friend used to play sports. Then she realized you can buy trophies. Now she's good at everything."

"When I find something in my purse on the first reach-in I feel like I should get some applause or something."

"The right response to ""I'm a bit tied up at the moment"" isn't ""what are you wearing?"" Apparently."

"Whenever someone asks, ""you look familiar, where do I know you from?"" I like to respond with, ""Well do you watch porn...?"""

"Why were the people in the Twin Towers so upset about their pizza order? They ordered pepperoni but all they got was plane."

"How do frogs die ? They kermit suidide !"

"Can someone please explain this joke? Q. What do you call a bald teddy? A. Fred bear I don't get it."

"What's the difference between a joke on Reddit and a joke on 9Gag? About a day."

"A kid at the park said a giant hemorrhoid is heading toward Earth. I know he misspoke but in the closing days of 2016 one can't be too sure."

"What did the homeowners of house haunted by windows have? Phantom panes."