160778

Joke of the Day

"How do frogs die ? They kermit suidide !"

"TIFU...... She rode me like a cow girl."

"I can't be the only woman who gets creeped out when she realizes her ovaries sniff out and sync up with other ovaries without her permission"

"What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench? The bench can support a family of four."

"I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit but it wouldn't matter."

"I figured out a way to chop onions without crying... The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion."

"Two bars of chocolate are falling down the stairs... ...the first one says:""Shit I think I broke my ribs"". To which the second one replies:""So what, I fucking hit my nuts!""."

"What did the Pelican say to the fish when he was running late for work? I'll catch you later!"

"A little boy has diarrhea... Mom: What the hell do you need Viagra for? Boy: Isn't that what you give to Dad when his shit doesn't get hard?"

"coining ""twoosh"", a contraction of tweet-swoosh. It's when your tweet hits exactly 140 characters sans editing. Nothing but net."