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Joke of the Day

"True irony Ay im Rony!"

"Did you hear about the starving horse? He was so hungry, he ate himself"

"I'm at an awkward weight I'm fat enough to not look good with my shirt off, but not fat enough for it to become part of my charm. I'm caught between a rock and a lard place."

"How are one night stands like savings accounts? ...you make a deposit, withdrawal, then lose interest."

"What's it called when two retarded lesbians have sex? Sthaftey scthissors!"

"INTERVIEWER: says here you were fired previously? ME: yeah, I tried putting pizza in the copier INTERVIEWER: [excitedly] did... did it work?"

"The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts."

"I saw my first porn yesterday I was so young back then...."

"Why are Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything that isn't at least 10% off"

"My wife said I needed to grow up I was speechless It's hard to say anything when you have 45 gummy bears in your mouth"