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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the guy that made the highest grades in his graduating class? He was on a roll!"

"Tim Vine came up to me. I said,""Hey, you're Time Vine!"" He said,""My name's not Tim Vine, it's Timbuktu."" He paused. ""Sorry, I was miles away."""

"#GrandTheftAutoMemories banging a hooker in my car, shooting her to get my money back, then going home to play Grand Theft Auto."

"What has four legs and goes 'Boo'? A cow with a cold."

"I ate an optimist once, but I couldn't keep him down"

"Me: ""Knock knock"" , Jesus: ""I'm not in!"" ... Me: ""Oh, come on."" Jesus: ""I refuse to open the door."""

"It's so cute. My kids always say ""I want to help you, Daddy!"" because they don't know the word ""hinder""."

"Accidentally deleted an invitation to join LinkedIn from a friend. I doubt I'll ever get an opportunity like that again."

"I won the lottery for a million dollars today so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. I now have $999,999.75"

"What do you call a group of singing people floating around in the ocean? An acappellago"