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Joke of the Day

"Facebook: I'm happy! Instagram: I'm pretty! Vine: I'm artsy! Pinterest: I'm crafty! Twitter: I'm lying everywhere but here."

"What's the best score you can get on a test? ""Not Pregnant"""

"How is a 9 volt battery and a woman's anus similar You know it's wrong, but sooner or later you're going to put your tongue on it"

"My wife said I lack empathy I don't understand how she could feel that way."

"What has 5 teeth and 60 eyes? A bus full of old people"

"[strip to the waist for my fight club debut] Opponent: ""dude they meant the top half"" *walks away* [I claim victory and retire undefeated]"

"Apparently, I snore so loudly that it scares everyone... In the car I'm driving."

"I like my coffee like I like my women From Kenya and tastes like warm diarrhea."

"To a woman, sexual harassment is when a man makes advances towards her. If a woman makes advances towards a man, we call that getting lucky."

"Why is it NASA has never sent a woman to the moon? It don't need cleaning!"