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Joke of the Day

"Did anyone happen to DVR Twitter for me? I missed the last 3 weeks and I would like to fast forward through all the Justin Bieber parts."

"What do you call it when Bob Dylan sucks your dick in a hurricane? The answer my friend... is blowing in the wind. The answer is blowing in the wind."

"This might be an uncomfortable subject for some... But we need to start talking about Germany's plans to drill for oil in 2940."

"What do you call a Pokemon with breasts? Rattata."

"What do you call a blood vessel with a carrot jammed into it? A carroted artery."

"Why did the crematorium operator get a $500 bonus? Because he'd urn-ed it."

"The Doctor says: ""Mrs Jones, I think your 7 year old is watching way too much TV"" ""How can you tell?"" asked Mrs Jones ""He just asked me if Cialis is right for him"""

"Who knew George Michael's ""Last Christmas""... was about the coroner?"

"What do you get when you cross Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris? Beat up."

"Saying that you were touched by Jesus... ...is a completely different story in a Mexican prison."