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Joke of the Day

"Don't get why guys complain about ""sleeping on the couch"" I pay good money to sleep on the couch, but I wish the shrink would shut up."

"What is a SJW's least favorite element on the periodic table? Helium."

"Did you know Ice-T has a half-brother? His name is Arnold Palmer."

"What did Dave Grohl say when he dropped his Greek sandwich? There goes my gyro"

"How does a feminist change a lightbulb? By holding the bulb up to the socket and waiting for the world to revolve around them."

"My friend got drunk on Candy the other day. He said it was liquor-ish"

"If you lie down on the floor in McDonald's you get to meet the manager"

"[on Mars] ASTRONAUT: An alien! MISSION CONTROL: Ok, so A: I choke slammed it MC: What? A: Another one! MC: DO NOT CH A: [choke slam noises]"

"Marriage - Some days are just tough I look forward to those"

"Life is like a penis. Simple, relaxed and hanging around freely. It's women who make it hard."