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Joke of the Day

"[glances toward living room stenographer] ""Please read back what my wife said 45 seconds ago."" stenographer: I promise not to get mad"

"Whats the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a women's track team? A tribe of pygmies is a bunch of cunning runts."

"Whats a pirates favourite letter??? Youd think itd be rrrrr but tis the sea."

"When the window fell into the incinerator, it was a pane in the ash to retrieve."

"my doctor gave me 2 months to live when i told him i wouldnt be able to pay off my medical bills by then, he gave me another 2 months"

"Fact: You can burn up to 10 calories a minutes while having sex... Related: Looking for a workout partner."

"Im going to make only Paula Deen recipes from now on... So when someone is like,""Oh that was great!!"", ill know they're racist."

"Why are redneck murders so hard to solve? Because it ain't murder if they had it comin'!"

"Why are so many Mathematicians vegetarians? Cos Lettuce"

"What's the world's longest Ted Talk? How I Met Your Mother"