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Joke of the Day

"A man hobbles into a McDonald's and walks up to the counter. He proceeds to place his order of 1 hot fudge sundae. The cashier asks him ""Crushed nuts?"". ""No."" He says, ""Hip replacement""."

"ME: I play for the Philadelphia Eagles. HER: What position do u play? ME: I'm a *thinks back to the only game I watched* wide-retriever."

"If the Mexicans are taking all of the jobs, then why do Koreans still rule the nail salons? Because Tu is better than Juan."

"Sex is like cooking. Your girlfriend will be angry at you because you ate your neighbour's even though she hasn't cooked for you in weeks."

"If I had a dollar... If i had a dollar for every racist comment i've ever made, a black guy would probably mug me."

"Accidentally made my Christian Mingle username 'Voldemort69' again"

"Selfie Stick - Picture taking device used when the internet has made you so socially awkward you can't ask a stranger to take a pic for you"

"I've been in line at the DMV for 1.5 hrs so my distaste for the general population is at an all time high right now."

"Idea: a Chinese restaurant called You Dim Sum You Lose Some."

"A prisoner convicted of beastiality has escaped. Recent reports confirm he's on the lamb."