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Joke of the Day

"Selfie Stick - Picture taking device used when the internet has made you so socially awkward you can't ask a stranger to take a pic for you"

"""Hello, 911"" Hi it's Mickey my dog is hurt bad ""Is it Goofy or Pluto?"" I don't see how- ""Goofy or Pluto?"" Pluto ""Call a vet"" *hangs up*"

"What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spectator."

"Someone asked me if I'm ever scared that I'll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my cat was right there."

"What kind of room has no walls? A mushroom!"

"I was thinking about Billy Mays the other day... I decided he's in heaven partying like it's nineteen ninety-nine ^(plus shipping and handling.)"

"What's the difference between an old joke and a new one? Nothing. We're on reddit"

"I was feeling depressed, then saw a guy with one arm and thought ""oh man, I could be getting so much more sympathy if I was missing an arm!"""

"How do you call a cow with no legs? You don't, because cows don't have phones."

"Sex can burn 200 calories an hour. I better go on a diet."