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Joke of the Day

"*Buys Samsung smart fridge. Opens app every 15 minutes to see if there's anything good in there*"

"What do you call a bulimic tree? Sycamore!"

"Don't you love it when you order salt at McDonald's and you accidentally get some fries!"

"Just once I'd like someone to call me ""ma'am"" without having to add ""you need to calm down or we're going to have to ask you to leave"""

"SHHHHH!!!!!!! I just got followed by a Jehovah Witness. All of you keep quiet and pretend we aren't home..."

"Your mother is so fat.. ..when she wears high heels she strikes oil"

"What do you get if you cross a zebra with an ape man? Tarzan stripes forever."

"This guy's all like ""I think you've had enough beers for one night."" Then I'm all ""Fuck you, fridge. Appliances can't even talk."""

"I was sitting on my dolphin, then I fell off. Butt not on porpoise."

"What's Varys the Spider's favorite OS? Unix"