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Joke of the Day

"Wait, you've got 99 bottles of beer on the wall? A. You should be refrigerating those, not putting them on a wall. B. You are an alcoholic."

"I'll dress up like your Dad and hug you at the finish line of a 5K if you promise to never post any Facebook pics of you running ever again."

"Masturbation is an excellent skill to have. Done right, it sure comes in handy."

"What is a goat's favourite form of comedy? Satyre."

"You can tell how important a thing is by if there's a cheese of it: string, important; mars, not important; blue, important; democracy, not"

"My skills Precision. Concentration. Patience. Fearlessness. Four skills I possess while shaving my nuts that I wish I could apply to other aspects of my life."

"How many Hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? Some obscure number... you've probably never heard of it....."

"*goes in fridge; makes sandwich* *grabs beer* *sits on couch; turns on TV* Him: Ma'am, this is an open house Me: I need the full experience"

"A punchline walks into a bar. Hello, you have reached the punchline, leave a message after the tone. **beep**"

"What does a Hot Pepper and a Prostitute have in common? Your dick burns like hell after you stick it in. Side Note: I just realized how much I love prostitute jokes."