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Joke of the Day

"Me: You should be nicer to me. You'll never have another dad. 5-year-old: Don't be so sure. Mom is pretty."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Chip ! Chip who ? Chip of Fools !"

"Why couldn't the Coast Guard save the hippie? Because he was wayyy far out man."

"I just killed 84 birds with 1 stone at Petsmart, totally destroying the previous record of 2."

"Screwdriver walks into a bar Bartender says hey man we have a drink named after you? The screwdriver asks ""you have a drink named Steve?"""

"I bought some pot from a T-Rex ... ... he was a small arms dealer."

"What do the Twin Towers and gender have in common? There used to be two, and now it's a really touchy subject. Edit: I am can't word goodly."

"Why don't cannibals like to eat clowns? Because they taste funny."

"If Petrus were to get a tattoo... ...would it be called lithography?"

"what do you call a duck addicted to drugs ? A quack head"