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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang the picture. -.-"

"Teacher: Did your parents help you with these homework problems? Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself!"

"Rick Astley will let you borrow any Pixar movie in his collection... But he's never gonna give you Up."

"If I owned a bar I would pour myself shots all the time, look in the mirror, wink and say ""It's on the house."""

"How do you get 4 old ladies to yell ""Shit!""? Get a 5th old lady to yell ""Bingo!"""

"Where should you go if you lost a corner? To the Eagles, they can get corner-backs."

"Hey everyone who says aliens don't exist. Explain morning people."

"The year is 1981. Everybody's working for the weekend. 2044: the weekend becomes sentient. 2048: Everybody's working for the weekend."

"People say musicians are gems I used to think Simon and Garfunkel were real gems, but then I about diamond and carbuncle."

"Santa, Tooth Fairy, easter bunny, a smart blonde and a dumb blonde.. are all around a $100 bill, who gets it? The dumb blonde, because the rest are all imaginary..."