82954

Joke of the Day

"When someone tries to argue with me I'm like ""hey pal let me stop you right there"" and then physically turn them around to face someone else"

"I've got an L-shaped bed. Lowercase."

"How five Jews changed the way we see the world: Moses: ""The Law is everything"" Jesus: ""Love is everything"" Marx: ""Money is everything"" Freud: ""Sex is everything"" Einstein: ""Everything is relative"""

"People I live with are hiding my shit. The two most effective hiding places to date: 1) out in the open 2) where I last left it"

"Nephew: Were the scorpions around when there were dinosaurs? Me: You mean like the band?"

"How do you stop a dog smelling ? Put a peg on it's nose !"

"Lebron reminds me of Michael Jordan... ...when Jordan played baseball"

"""Mom, i'm in the hospital."" ""Jeremy, you have been a doctor for 8 years now please stop starting every phone conversation with that."""

"What does toilet paper and office paper have in common? You can write on both of them with a No. 2"

"What kind of bees hum and drop things ? A fumble bee !"