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Joke of the Day

"How five Jews changed the way we see the world: Moses: ""The Law is everything"" Jesus: ""Love is everything"" Marx: ""Money is everything"" Freud: ""Sex is everything"" Einstein: ""Everything is relative"""

"If God is a woman, then why aren't we sandwiches?"

"I've put something aside for a rainy day. It's an umbrella."

"*sits gf down* i am about to ask you a big question. if you dont know the answer then thats ok... *clears throat* where is the space jam dvd"

"I'll be honest, the only time I'd ever want to be 'Keeping Up With The Kardashians' would be if I was chasing them With an axe."

"Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college I don't think I can ever pay you back."

"What is another name for a knife? A chopstick!"

"A brunette tells her blonde stepsister, ""I slept with a Brazilian"" The blonde replies, ""Oh, you slut! How many is a brazilian?"""

"My boss asked if he dropped his watch in the toilet Because I was shitting on his time And joke creds to him. I was also fresh out of witty comebacks..."

"Why did the scarecrow get promoted? Because he was out standing in his field! :D"