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Joke of the Day

"Next year for Halloween I think I will be a dead chrysanthemum.... Then when people ask ""WTF are you"", I will reply and say ""I am a chrysanthemummy!"""

"What has 18 legs and catches flies? A baseball team."

"yo mama is Yo' Mama is so ugly, her imaginary friend played with other kids."

"For Sale: 5yr old BMW Turn signals like new!"

"What does a Mexican Morpheus say? Neo, you are the Juan ... I'll show myself the door..."

"My girlfriend and I step outside to smoke As soon as we get outside shes says, ""brrrrr, it's windy!"" And I responded, ""actually, its mondy"""

"Romantic cop: Here, I brought you a flower. Competitive about everything cop: Big deal. I brought you a flowest."

"[meets a cute girl from Scotland] ""Ummm hi your people make fantastic tape"""

"I wish I was Jesus so instead of listening to the same Christmas songs every day if the office, I could be dead."

"*wife puts down dinner plate* *single pea rolls off plate* Me: oh no we have an esca-pea Wife: Me: I don't care I think it's still funny"