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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend and I step outside to smoke As soon as we get outside shes says, ""brrrrr, it's windy!"" And I responded, ""actually, its mondy"""

"I'm tired of being dissed by automated restroom paper towel dispensers."

"I just did 50 crunches in an hour... the wrappers are everywhere."

"If I had 2 fish I would name them 1 and 2 so if 1 died I would still have 2."

"Trump worked his way up from nothing. He's going to give every American the same 1 million dollars he started with. That's all you need."

"Who is this Rorschach guy??? And why did he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting? -Rob DenBleyker"

"How many cockroaches does it take to change a light bulb? I don't know. When I turn on the light they're all gone."

"If only politicians kept their campaign promises... like Harrelson keeps his rampart."

"I call the toilet at work Mrs. Star Trek, because I just Shatner."

"If a mentally challenged midget is late to an appointment... ... can you justifiably call them ""a little tardy""?"