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Joke of the Day

"What does a Mexican Morpheus say? Neo, you are the Juan ... I'll show myself the door..."

"How did Harry Potter get down the hill? By broom ... JK, rolling"

"My town is so small... the Village Idiot doubles as the Mayor."

"I told my dad I didn't want to walk all the way there... ...He said: ""That's a lame excuse""."

"I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don't even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago."

"Siri, what kind of candy is in that van?"

"My girlfriend asked me how much we would spend at our wedding. Me: I don't want to spend very much. Her: I want it to be a ten thousand dollar wedding. Me: Okay, so you, can do that then."

"My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he's a lamp...what does he know...."

"I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?"

"""Keep that upside-down frown right where it is!"" - Botox Patient Saying"