82764
Joke of the Day
"I hate playing chess with Australian players Every check is a check, mate."
Next Joke
"Sloth 911: What's your emergency [1 week later] Sloth: I'VE BEEN SHOT [1 week later] Sloth 911: DON'T MOVE! We'll be there in a month"
"The best way to stop uninvited guests from stopping by your home is to always answer the door naked."
"What do my relationships and fat people have in common? They never work out."
"I'm going to the grocery store where I'll try to get the cashier to call 911 based only on the items I'm purchasing."
"Oh nothing, just editing this agreement. And by editing, I mean writing ""ool J"" after every mention of an LLC."
"If you're looking for something fun and exciting to do, why not try anti-gravity? It never lets me down!"
"[therapy] ""Where does your fear of spiders come from?"" *flashback to Spider-Man trying to kiss me behind Applebees* They're just creepy okay"
"I love you so much, I'll just sit at home and stare at my phone to make you notice."
"What do you call a vegan who cheats on their diet with human flesh? A humanitarian"