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Joke of the Day

"[therapy] ""Where does your fear of spiders come from?"" *flashback to Spider-Man trying to kiss me behind Applebees* They're just creepy okay"

"What do you call an aardvark that's just lost a fight? A vark!"

"I had a dream I was in a part of the US that was filled with nothing but museums. It was State of the Art."

"My lesbian neighbors gave me a Timex for my birthday. It's nice, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, ""I wanna watch."""

"How do you fit 20 Jews in a Cadillac? One in the driver's seat, one in the passenger, three in the back, and the rest in the ash tray."

"Clever Insult joke If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up to your ego and jump down to your IQ level."

"I wanted to kill myself by drinking 100 beers, but when I finished my second one, I felt much better."

"What does Reddit and fat people have in common? A LOT of people don't like them right now"

"[donating blood] ""You're looking a little faint. Can I get you a drink?"" ""No thanks, I've just had like 60 of those strawberry Capri Suns."""

"Why does Batman wear a mask? Because the citizens of Gotham aren't morons, like those idiots over in Metropolis"