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Joke of the Day

"Sloth 911: What's your emergency [1 week later] Sloth: I'VE BEEN SHOT [1 week later] Sloth 911: DON'T MOVE! We'll be there in a month"

"I've been a dad for 5+ years now but I finally feel like I've really made it. This happened earlier today: Aaron: Dad, Michael's eating the wrapper! Me: Eating the wrapper?! That's Ludicrous!"

"Watching the basketball game with my dad... Me: Do you think Irving will score a three pointer in the last couple minutes? Dad: I don't know, that's quite a long shot."

"I was the beast man at my sister's wedding, and there isn't a day goes by that I don't wish that that was a typo."

"want to hear a joke about sodium hypobromite? NaBrO"

"I failed to stop a suicidal Catholic guy from blowing himself up. ""Abort, abort abort"", I shouted."

"People say I'm condescending That means I talk down to people."

"I could not stop my baby boy from crying so I poured no tears shampoo in his eyes, it didn't work."

"I always wanted to be Batman when I was younger. Not because of the money or the gadgets. I just hated my parents."

"Do you know anyone who has ever been scalped? I can't think of anyone off the top of my head.."