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Joke of the Day

"The best way to stop uninvited guests from stopping by your home is to always answer the door naked."

"Take something someone says, then perceive it in every terrible way imaginable POOF you're a woman."

"Why did the bigamist cross the road? To get to the other bride."

"yea whataver ... i have a gf shes uhhh *looks around* imported. i mean foreign. yea shes a Modelo too. no i said model. a very especial girl"

"Three blondes walk into a bar You would have thought that one of them would see it."

"I'm like Superman. When people see me out in public I'm always in the same outfit."

"Why do social justice warriors hate math? all the inequalities"

"[At the first thanksgiving] Pilgrims: Im thankful for the land you gave us Natives: we didnt give you land? Pilgrims: *winks at the camera*"

"Jesus: *turns water into wine* Me: nice Me: *turns a steak into a cheesesteak* Jesus: *whispering under his breath* holy shit"

"me: How many calls do I get? cop: one me: What do you think is more likely? a lawyer delivering pizza or a dominos providing legal counsel?"