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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I shake someone's hand as I meet them and they say ""The pleasure's all mine."" I quickly look to see where their other hand is."

"This morning I made my coffee with an energy drink instead of water. Fifteen minutes on the highway later I realized I forgot my car in the garage."

"The problem with this generation boils down to this one thing: Their cartoons suck."

"WIFE: He treats our marriage like it's a talk show THERAPIST: Is this true? ME: *turns and winks at camera* We'll find out after the break"

"Oh ..your account is protected? What do you tweet? Nuclear launch codes?:-)"

"Why shouldn't you commit a crime in front of an Indian women? She's always recording."

"What kind of pants does the Pink Panther wear? Denim Denim Denim Denim Denim Denim Deniiiiim"

"Y'know the trouble with nude dancing is that not everything stops when the music does."

"Why didn't the Orange want to be eaten? Because he wasn't feeling appealing."

"If black people have the race card, women have the gender card, what do rednecks have? The Trump card."