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Joke of the Day

"-I'm just gonna have 1 drink before dinner -I'm just gonna have 1 drink with dinner -I'm just gnna hav 1 aftdinr drk -I pishd ma pnts gen"

"Dad shouts: ""Stop watching porn, I can hear it in my room!"" Son: ""Dad.. I'm not watching porn, that is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!"""

"If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?"

"Before you get married ask yourself: is this the person you want to watch stare at their phone the rest of your life?"

"Lawyer: ""What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"" Defendent: ""Gucci Sweats and Sum Jordan's"""

"My dog once bit a little boy so I had to put him down... he was going to tell his mom."

"Why are the reddit servers down so much? Because they're being beaten like a dead horse."

"Know how being wanted feels like? Just imagine how oil fields like"

"Johnny was a chemists son, but Johnny is no more. For what he thought was H2O was H2SO4."

"What did one cell say to his sister after she stepped on him? Mitosis. Huehuehuehuehuehue"