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Joke of the Day

"Before you get married ask yourself: is this the person you want to watch stare at their phone the rest of your life?"

"I heard they're inventing a new kind of bed... ...but most of the theories I've heard are bunk."

"How can you tell if a Mobile software developer isn't enjoying his job? He isn't very App-y"

"What's worse than being told by your doctor that you have gonorrhea? Being told by your dentist"

"I slept with an acrobat once. She was lousy in bed. It was like Cirque de So-So lay."

"How often do lesbian gypsies get their hands read? Every 28 days or so."

"What type of wind is named after both a cat and a bat? Katabatic"

"If I win the Powerball, I'm going to make golf illegal."

"*sniffs date's hair* [later on in ambulance] ""no, it's my fault for not mentioning I'm allergic to japanese cherry blossoms"""

"New to reddit My friend David forgot his I.D so now we just call him dav"