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Joke of the Day

"YOGI: Close your eyes and breathe. ME: [angrily rolling up my mat] I was under the impression this was a picnic and you were a talking bear"

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"The only thing I arouse is suspicion."
"What's the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain? So you're the one!"
"What kind of car drives over water? Any kind of car if it goes over a bridge."
"GOOD COP: Three robberies in the same neighborhood ...do you know what I'm thinking? PSYCHIC COP: Yes GOOD COP: Oh right"
"Me: ""Sorry I'm late. Car trouble."" Him: ""What kind of car trouble?"" Me: ""It doesn't go 200 miles an hour to compensate for my late start."""
"What does it mean when an accountant is drooling out of both sides of his mouth? His desk is level"
"My dream girl is basically a pizza in a mini skirt."
"Yo momma's so fat, she uses the Large Hadron Collider as a hula hoop."
"What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs."
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