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Joke of the Day

"A book just fell on my head! I guess I only got my shelf to blaim!"

"Thank God football is back on. I've been watching baseball for months and it's only the 7th inning."

"I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you."

"My dad only says I love you on special occasions like birthdays, holidays, and competency hearings."

"How can you tell your roommate is of the gay? His dick tastes like shit"

"You can never tell when someone's had plastic surgery. It always looks super real & not weird or awful. You should get some."

"Watch as i slowly pull my shirt up over - wait, stuck in the too-small neckhole...struggling... Okay, dont watch."

"Guy on plane : So, where are you going to? Me : I'm guessing it's the same place you're going."

"How many I.T. guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? none. That's a hardware problem but have you tried turning it on and off again?"

"Maybe 6% of pens work. Terrible job, pen manufacturers."