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Joke of the Day

"17: Want to see a movie? Me: Sure. 17: Afternoon show only, so no one sees us together. Me: Ok. *Posts pic on IG. Tags all her friends."

"Why did the shark cross the Great Barrier Reef? ...To get to the other tide! Shark Week Hoo Ha Ha!"

"The shortest tribe in the world The Fuckawee tribe....In the long grass you can hear their chant...Where the Fuckawee!"

"Had a very hot curry last night and now my asshole is on fire ... I'm suffering from deja vindaloo."

"[first date] Me: that is hilarious Date: ... Me: wait, bread or dead? Date: how would my parents be bread?"

"To neigh or not to neigh. That is equestrian."

"I used to be addicted to the Hokey-Pokey But then I turned myself around"

"I keep hearing so much talk about ISIS right now... They're really blowing up."

"Me: your dress is too revealing Wife: wear your own clothes then"

"I saw Don Draper driving a toupee across a high-wire. Another character driven piece on cable."