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Joke of the Day

"ME: Guess who was just promoted to be the new CEO! COWORKER: Amanda. ME: Why would you assume it's a man?"

"Eat* a big** bowl*** of Cheerios****! Part***** of any healthy****** breakfast*******! [please read warnings and disclaimers carefully]"

"If your car is too heavy You can always use lighter fuel."

"I was overcharged by a plumber! So, I've been secretly training a gorilla to roll barrels at people. Tomorrow, we're kidnapping his girl."

"What do you call bacteria that can swim fast? Micro Phelps."

"What's the worst thing about one-liners in /r/jokes?"

"Hard to believe the Cubs last won the World Series 108 years ago. Most of them don't look a day over 30."

"After realising that I had accidentally eaten my clone, I shat myself."

"*sits son down for the talk* You ready? ""Yeah"" Ok. When a man and a woman love each other- *pulls out Pokeball* -they throw this at a baby"

"What's the difference between a black man and a park bench? A park bench can support a family."