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Joke of the Day

"What came first, the chicken or the egg? The rooster."

"Husband has fake roaches that he sets up around the house to scare the shit out of me 24/7. I'm putting out positive pregnancy tests. HA."

"Did you hear about the kidnapping? I heard they woke him up!"

"I'd rather break your headboard than your heart."

"I grounded my kid from electronics for a week and now he won't stop talking to me and I think I've made a horrible mistake."

"If you're going to have a beer with Russian's You better Czech yourself before you wreck yourself. Edit:FUCK I JUST REALIZED HOW BAD THIS JOKE IS"

"Eating a solid brick of Ramen is probably the easiest way to remember I need to pay the water bill."

"What do you call a possessed chicken? Poultrygeist."

"I'm undecided about masturbation. On one hand it feels great -Bo Burnham"

"Turns out an At Home DNA test is not a good baby shower gift"