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Joke of the Day

"Eating a solid brick of Ramen is probably the easiest way to remember I need to pay the water bill."

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"What I hated about church as a kid was.. all the standing up, and sitting, and the knelling I had to do. I just wish the priest would pick a position and fuck me already."
"I always wanted to be somebody I should have been more specific."
"Balloons think they're so cool. I tried to tell one he was leaking and he just said, ""Pfft."""
"Sometimes I like to freak out the toddler by putting my iPad to my ear and frantically asking her if I've been miniaturized."
"Whats the best thing about being a meth addict? Only two more sleeps until christmas."
"*holds flashlight under chin* ""...and then the typo appears, AFTER you hit send!!"" *everyone screams in horror*"
"Q: Why did the mirror have 6 holes in it? A: A blonde tried to shoot herself!"
"What do landfills and hookers have in common? Uncovered loads cost double"
"They say Kurt Cobain had two blue eyes.... one blew on to the wall, the other blew through the window"
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