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Joke of the Day

"Husband has fake roaches that he sets up around the house to scare the shit out of me 24/7. I'm putting out positive pregnancy tests. HA."

"I'm about 20% more confident when chewing gum."

"I hate when my tattoo guy asks if he can take pics for his website and then I wake up the next day realising I don't have any tattoos."

"What did the bee say to the naughty bee ? Bee-hive yourself !"

"I updated my drivers on my laptop and now I have all kinds of pop ups...thanks Microsoft!"

"I count it as a random act of kindness when you see me in public and pretend you didn't."

"''Have you heard my knock-knock joke?'' asked the blonde. ''No'' said the brunette. ''Okay'' said the blonde ''you start.''"

"Why will there never be an Asian president? Because the American people could never make it through the erection without raughing."

"Why did the guy cut a hole in his carpet? ...He wanted to watch the floor show. And why did he cover it back up? ...He realized that he didn't want to watch the ""hole"" show."

"I have a lot of road rage. FUCK ROADS!!!"