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Joke of the Day

"Email to my boss: What is the difference between your daughter and this morning? I'm not cumming in this morning!"

"How to Get a Girlfriend: Out at Sea Me: *rocks boat* Her: Hey! Me: *rocks faster* Her: Can we PLEASE go steady? Me: I do."

"What do 9 out of 10 people love? Gang rape"

"FIANCE: where should we go on our honeymoon ME (after hearing there's a charizard hidden at mt rushmore): how do you feel about south dakota"

"I asked my girlfriend at dinner, ""Why are you being so salty?"" Her response - with a flat, even look: ""I've been well seasoned."" I lost it"

"What do you get if you cross a dog and a sheep ? A sheep that can round itself up !"

"Ask your doctor why there are claw marks on the wall. Ask your doctor to stop growling. Ask your doctor to stop climbing and smelling you."

"Limerick There was this baker from South Carolina Who stuck an eggbeater in her vagina The cakes she would glaze In an orgasmic haze And her screams they would rattle the china"

"Sorry the edible underwear weren't edible anymore by the time you tried to eat them. It was a long drive to your apartment."

"Why do good farmers only excel when they are actually farming? (X-post from /r/jokes) Because they are out standing in their field."