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Joke of the Day

"Don't let people push you around. Unless it's in a wagon, because that shit is fun!"

"I asked my dad what he thinks of Nihilism... He said, ""Does it matter?"""

"Today I told my boyfriend he can have as much anal sex as he wants... After all it's his butt."

"I went for a run but came back home after 5 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I'm fat and can't run for more than 5 minutes"

"My girlfriend wants me to take her to Paris, and treat her like a princess The only thing is, I don't know which to pick: the guillotine or the Mercedes."

"A clever one from Yahoo! Answers Sea water equals salt. That's what it boils down to."

"I just got a text saying they lost my cell number & could I send it. This is the level of stupid I deal with."

"What does a pirate wear if he works at Apple? iPatch"

"I always wondered why a Frisbee looks like it gets bigger & bigger the closer it comes to you.. and then it hit me."

"I use the phrase ""when I win the lottery"" a lot for someone who never buys any lottery tickets."