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Joke of the Day

"Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put some music they don't like on"

"What do you get when you cross a genius with a hooker? A fucking know it all!"

"Did you hear about that celebrity who committed suicide? Reese whatsername? ""Witherspoon?"" ""No, with a knife!"" Only really works if you actually tell it to someone (and can maintain a good pokerface)"

"David Cameron joke! They say David Cameron is a one term Prime Minister. That term is of course 'cunt'."

"Strange trend at my office... People are naming food in the break room refrigerator. Today I ate a sandwich named ""Kevin""."

"If you post a handstand photo of yourself at the beach in Uggs you're automatically entered into an essay contest on why you love your Jetta"

"""I have no advice. I can't talk! I am a building."" -Prison advice"

"My MOM Says Life is A Race Life iS A Tragedt When SeeN In CloSE-UP, LONG-SHOT. To Truly Laugh, You Must be Able to Take Your PAIN, And PLAY With iT!"

"I got fired from my job because I smile too much! I said, ""If I can't smile while I work then get yourself another funeral director!"""

"What do you tell a girl with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice."