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Joke of the Day

"If Subway had put an extra piece of cheese on every sandwich without telling the customer, I wonder how many of those kids would've been able to outrun Jared."

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"What's the difference between a star and America? The star has a bright future."
"Why do American's take letters out of words? Because they're lazy, and they hate U."
"A young Jewish boy asks his father if he can borrow twenty dollars.... ..the father replies, ""Ten dollars?! What do you need five dollars for?!?"""
"Nothing stops me in my tracks faster than a five year old saying, ""I got you a present!"""
"I went to go see the Vagina Monologues... I went to go see the Vagina Monologues/And all I got was a yeast infection."
"[commercial] [man comes home after long day, opens front door and is attacked by 8 cats] MAN: There has to be a better way! Narrator: DOGS"
"I don't always eat breakfast in my underwear but when I do, I get escorted out of Waffle House."
"To people calling themselves ""Grammar Nazis"": you're not correcting grammar so much as punctuation or spelling. Hi, I'm a Nomenclature Nazi."
"The best freestyle ever Roll up to someone with pancakes Drop my iPhone on it Call it ihop I'll see myself out"