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Joke of the Day

"""She sends things to strangers on the internet and no one even cares but she keeps doing it"" - my dad, explaining me on twitter to my aunt."

"I lost my job at the calendar factory Because I took too many days off."

"Me: They were out of tampons, so I got you a box of bandaids instead. Her:"

"How does Michael J. Fox deal with his Parkinson's disease? He just shakes it off."

"My ex said that relationships were about sacrifice. But she still screamed when she saw the bloody goat on the altar."

"I'm no wine connoisseur, but I do know this bottle of wine pairs perfectly with the bottle I just finished."

"A priest ,a rabbi and a homeless man walk into a bar.. The homeless man order a beer while the rabbi and priest do jager bombs . Who's gonna pick up the tab?"

"What can you sit on, brush your teeth with, and eat soup with? A chair, a toothbrush, and a spoon."

"Thinking about getting a nutritional value label tattooed on my inner thigh."

"It was my five year old daughter's school play last night. I haven't enjoyed myself so much in years! I didn't go."