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Joke of the Day

"My ex said that relationships were about sacrifice. But she still screamed when she saw the bloody goat on the altar."

"What are goosebumps used for? To keep geese from speeding!"

"The only way I'd get within six feet of some people is if I'm standing on their grave."

"Me when my friends are sad: 268 text messages of advice and tell them how perfect they are. Then when I'm sad: Oh, sorry ."

"I like to say something disgusting which makes someone else say something more disgusting then I call them a pervert."

"What is round, ticks and if it falls down the clock is broken?"

"What do you call a kid who falls into a gorilla enclosure? Zoolander"

"What's burnt to a crisp and at the top of the stairs? Stephen Hawking after a house fire."

"What does ""Maginot"" mean? Welcome"

"It's way too early in the day for you to be yelling at me, repeating your demands, and making me follow you around, girl. It's over, Dora."