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Joke of the Day

"In almost every situation, Nutella makes a great substitute for love."

"Me: Excuse me, where's the rowing boat equipment? Employee: Keep going down there, Oar Aisle. Me: ... Employee: ... Me: Or you'll what?"

"People who make up phrases and try to pass them off as popular sayings are just throwing meat to the monkeys in the middle of a maelstrom."

"If the dove is the bird of peace what is the bird of true love? The swallow."

"Hillary: After Benghazi Hearing I ""Sat Around Eating Indian Food And Drinking Wine And Beer"" Christie: ""Just another Tuesday morning for me."""

"Someday, scientists will capture the energy of eye rolls to produce electricity, and the world will be a cleaner, more sarcastic place."

"I wish Twitter would add bold or italics or meaning to my life."

"You know, Hitler must have been a pretty great artist. There are a ton of museums dedicated to his work, after all."

"Do you like raisin bran? Well, it's a good thing you adopted him then, but don't be surprised if he turns out to be a cereal killer..."

"So, I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend recently. I had to drop the bomb twice before she got the message."