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Joke of the Day

"How can you tell retarded kids form the art students? Retards don't wear Black."

"Why did the tree look pissed off all the time? It had Resting Birch Face."

"An Italian engineer was kidnapped in Nigeria. Demands were sent via email to his family, but they just got deleted as spam."

"How many Gentlesirs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ""Screw is such a harsh word, M'Lightbulb. I have too much respect for lamps to use it."" <Tips fedora>"

"My wife bought a bunch of cheap camping supplies from a garage sale. This shall be known as the Summer of my Discount Tent."

"One sperm said to the other sperm ""I'll race you to the egg!"" The other sperm said ""OK, but pace yourself, we just passed the throat!"""

"What do you call a Winston using his Jetpack?? A Boosted Animal"

"So I just wrote a test on the Periodic table of Elements It went berylliumtly"

"Her: I love that thing you do to make me moan. Me: *makes another plate of nachos*"

"Help oh god a I tied a balloon to my hand and now I'm two hours over the ocean held hostage by the wind"