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Joke of the Day

"Her: I love that thing you do to make me moan. Me: *makes another plate of nachos*"

"You people that are getting sex regularly either need to keep that shit to yourselves or be more descriptive."

"I once played chess with an Egyptian King... ...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh."

"I went to a shop and asked the cashier, ""can I have a KitKat Chunky?"" After the cashier came back with a KitKat Chunky, I gave it back to her, saying ""I wanted a regular KitKat, fatso!"""

"Bought a Clap-On Clap-Off light for my bedroom Nearly gave the hooker a seizure during a rough session."

"I am sorry I wasn't being completely honest when I said I was normal."

"Roses are red... Harambes in heaven, George Bush had advanced knowledge of 9/11."

"what's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a child? Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window."

"""Why is there music coming out of your printer?"" ""That will be the paper jamming again!"""

"How do dogs like to have sex? RUFF!"