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Joke of the Day

"Help oh god a I tied a balloon to my hand and now I'm two hours over the ocean held hostage by the wind"

"Saw some cows just standing around in a field doing absolutely nothing. Get a job, hippies."

"Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assaulted. The assailant avoided prison, though. As the battery charge wouldn't hold."

"I spent the whole evening knotsurfing! Don't you mean netsurfing? No everyone was complaining because I tied the computer up for ages!"

"BARISTA: I have an order for...God? Is there a God? [no one answers] ATHEIST: Haha told ya GOD: *exiting bathroom* Sorry I'm here ATH: Shit"

"Cemeteries are some of the most popular clubs in the world... ...I mean, people are literally *dying* to get in."

"I think the term copycat serial killer is a bullshit term. They can't kill the same people as the other guy"

"I wouldn't say my wife was fat....... .....but she wore a white dress to the cinema last night and they showed the film on her back!"

"A baby came out of my stomach and I was all ""weird, I don't remember eating that..."""

"Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor? A: About 10 pounds."