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Joke of the Day

"Help oh god a I tied a balloon to my hand and now I'm two hours over the ocean held hostage by the wind"

"I finally figured out what I want to be when I'm older... younger."

"I tried to kill a spider with glitter spray... Now it won't stop stripping and I have to call it cinnamon."

"What do you call an angry German? A sour kraut"

"Twitter=Whats happening? FB=Whats on your mind? FourSquare= Where am I? Quora=what? Youtube=What Im watching. LinkedIn=Whats in it for me?"

"What do you call an angry psychologist? A thera-pissed."

"Did you hear the one about the constipated accountant? He couldn't budget."

"That hot guy you see on the train every day with headphones on? Imagine....imagine if he was listening to a podcast. Not so hot now is he?"

"What's faster, the speed of thought or the speed of light? Neither, it's diarrhea. Before you could think about it or even turn the lights on, you've already shat yourself."

"A fun way to give your man a little scare is to ask him, ""Do you know what tomorrow is?"" and watch the panic set in."