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Joke of the Day

"The day my wife found out she was pregnant, everything changed... My name, my phone number, my address, and my country of residence."

"Student loans: because you should know what it's like to be one of the poor people you're always going on about"

"How do you help a choking pig? With the Ham-Lick maneuver of course"

"Why are there no aspirin in the jungle? The parrots eat em all (Paracetamol)"

"Which painter always had a very bad cold? Vincent Van Cough"

"What do you call a dog with no legs? I doesn't matter, it won't come when you call it."

"How to describe Mitt Romney in two sentences. I stand by what I said, whatever it is that I said. I deny saying that, whatever it is that I said."

"'You never get anything right' complained the teacher. 'What kind of job do you think you'll get when you leave school ?' 'Well I want to be the weather girl on TV.'"

"There was a sniper here Anybody s.."

"What sound does a dead cow make? BOOOOOOOOOO"