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Joke of the Day

"Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?"

"You didn't question the free nachos or the ride in the van. But now that I've got a knife to your throat you're all ""why, why?"""

"The guy who named the peacock was just trying to make himself feel better."

"Nestle has taken to putting ""Do not consume raw cookie dough"" on all of it's cookie packages Oh, Nestle You don't know me at all, do you?"

"What happens to someone who gets attacked by bees? They get bee'd up"

"Dog keeps sighing melodramatically. I know he wants me to ask him what's wrong, but I'm not falling for it."

"There is a Mexican, a black person, a muslim, and a gipsy in a car. Who drives it? The officer."

"I've suffered from identity crisis since I was a little boy. I mean girl."

"(original) I just got my flu shot and tried to draw something, but it still looks shitty. I thought it was supposed to make me artistic?"

"I just shook the crumbs out of my keyboard and they spelled ""GAYLORD."" My haters grow more powerful everyday."