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Joke of the Day

"You didn't question the free nachos or the ride in the van. But now that I've got a knife to your throat you're all ""why, why?"""

"How to lose weight - Doctor, I'm fat, how do I lose weight? - Just move your head from left to right and from right to left. - How many times , doctor ? - Every time someone offers you food."

"Ghosts never write encouraging stuff on my mirror. It's always ""KILL"" or ""MURDER"" or ""YOU'RE OUT OF NUTELLA"""

"Did you hear about the pig's vacation? They had a wonderful time at Yellowstone National Park. They dressed up as bears and raided all the garbage cans."

"I like my women like I like my whiskey: Twelve years old and mixed with coke."

"A man's ears were exposed to a high frequency sound... He said ""It hertz."""

"If it's your imperfections that make you beautiful, I'm pretty sure I should be a supermodel."

"Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road I'm going to leave and come back dressed as Santa with a sign that says, ""Help, need ride!"""

"The number of Pina coladas I drank on vacation is this (my daughter doesn't want to cruise with me again) many."

"I watch zombie movies to prepare myself if one day it really happens. Same for porn."