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Joke of the Day

"You didn't question the free nachos or the ride in the van. But now that I've got a knife to your throat you're all ""why, why?"""

"Keeping busy in prison"

"""There's plenty of fish in the sea"" is just something people say because you're going to be alone. Fishing is something you can do alone."

"What do you call a seabird who's easily taken in? Gullible."

"*Takes our kid away so my wife can have a break* *Takes kid to pub* *Bumps into wife at pub*"

"Why did the Muslim cross the road? His dick was stuck in the goat"

"*guitarist breaks guitar* HELL YEAH *drummer throws drums* YES YES *singer stabs a bunch of guys* OH MY GOD *bassist plants a bomb* STOP"

"It's almost Christmas, which means it's almost time to hear my parents' new excuses for why Jennifer Lawrence isn't under the tree again."

"Q: What did one teddy bear say to the other teddy bear when he offered him some dessert? A: No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"Eating a Clock I tried eating a clock once, I wouldn't do it again. It was very time consuming."