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Joke of the Day

"What do the Welsh call safe sex? Spray painting the sheep that bite."

"What's the funniest joke you know? (Here's one of mine) Two flies were arguing on a toilet seat. One got pissed off."

"What did the lobster do at the disco? Pulled a muscle."

"I got kicked out of the hardware store today... It's my dad's fault. He told me to buy a black and deck her."

"I only star inspirational tweets from 15 year-old white girls, because they've obviously got the deepest insight into the human experience."

"Boys have truly evolved * Boy: sapnu puas * Girl: What does that mean? * Boy: Turn your phone 180 degrees ;)."

"ME: Hey buddy, your dog left a little 'present' on my lawn GUY: Huh? ME: *points to tiny, nicely wrapped gift* Thank him for me, willya?"

"Everyone needs to chill the hell out about Roe V. Wade. Honestly, they're both valid ways to get across water."

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put u and i closer together... Because *you* are an *idiot*."

"I was suspicious that big multinational chemical corporation was up to no good, but then I saw that green cartoon leaf in its logo. Whew!"