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Joke of the Day

"I only star inspirational tweets from 15 year-old white girls, because they've obviously got the deepest insight into the human experience."

"Why did Hitler move from Germany to Westeros in full support of the Starks? Because he saw real hope for an Aryan nation."

"When I want to trim down my friend's list on FB I give my opinion and let nature do the rest."

"When everyone was giving apples to their teachers, I was the one giving cucumbers... Still to this day, Mr. Smith won't look me in the eyes."

"""Operator, run this licence plate please Echo Alpha Tango Alpha Delta India Charlie Kilo"" - Me, if I was a cop on the day I got fired."

"I like my beer like I like my woman Without a fucking dick in it. Fuck you Amy, fuck you"

"What's the difference between toilet paper and a knife? Oh, you don't know? I won't ask you to wipe my bum then."

"How do you get a gay man to fuck a woman? Shit in her cunt."

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Cause the pee is silent."

"How are women like 90 degrees? They're always right."