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Joke of the Day

"Everyone needs to chill the hell out about Roe V. Wade. Honestly, they're both valid ways to get across water."

"[Pilot intercom] Me: ""Hello, this is the co-pilot speaking. Not to cause alarm but the pilot has passed out and I lied a lot on my resume."""

"How do you have a sexy barbecue? You grill the sausage."

"What is something that Ronda Rousey and myself both have in common? We only last 48 seconds."

"If I could make the ultimate scary animal, I'd make it hybrid with the head of a bear, bear claws, and the body of a bear."

"What do the female reindeer do when they want some fun? They go into town and blow a few bucks."

"You know what channel The Republican debate is on? I don't know man, maybe check Comedy Central?"

"Why do all zombies have sprained ankles?"

"Social media allows me to review all my mistakes in chronological order...with pictures."

"Why did the baby monster put his father in the freezer? Because he wanted frozen pop."