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Joke of the Day

"there has been a shooting at the Westboro Baptist church... police report 3 dozen cheerful bystanders, yet nobody claims to have seen who did it."

"if your brain produces saliva you have a patooey-tary gland thank you"

"I get my wife the same thing every year for Christmas, a dildo and a pair of slippers If she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself"

"What has two wings and a halo? A Chinese man on the telephone. Wing wing, halo?"

"[Donald Duck opens gift] Daisy: It's pants. Try them on! Donald: [stands] STOP TRYING TO CHANGE ME WOMAN"

"How does Donald Trump keep Mexicans off reddit? With a text wall."

"Which anti-virus software do pirates prefer? Avast, ye scurvy dogs!"

"What is one thing that both Australians & Americans share the same view on? 1961"

"I found an alternative to Pokemon GO. It's this new game called Grindr. I haven't tried it yet, but I hear its this thing where you go around, trying to capture bears."

"Hey little kid in your adorable pink jacket: I'm no kidnapper, but if I was, you would be the one."